As a suddenly single woman in her (gulp) late forties again, I decided to jump right back into the dating pool. Well, jump is a stretch. How about dipping my toe in the shallow end? Just enough to cause a little ripple, but not enough that I am in neck deep.
Ugh – creating an online profile is like filling out a job application. And I don’t like applying for new jobs. Plus, that means I have to go on a
n interview date. Where we watch each other’s body postures and gestures and look for hidden meanings, and decide if that hour-long coffee date was an hour we won’t ever get back, or if there’s any chance for boot knocking at some point in the future.
It’s stressful. Makes me all twitchy just thinking about it.
But I persevered through the enrollment process (rolling my eyes) and now find myself weeding out the undesirables.
What the hell is wrong with the 20-somethings out there that a) they need to meet girls on a dating site, and b) they’d want to date someone old enough to be their mother? I have even been approached by teenagers! WT-holy-F?
Me: I have a rule about a potential date – he must have worn polyester in the 70′s.
Kid: I like totally luv that show. Ashton rocks /m\./m\
Also, I don’t mind bald men, just go bald proudly. Pull a Britney already. No toupees, no combovers. You look foolish and it upsets me that you allow a furry mammal to ride your head.
Me: Thanks for stopping by, but I don’t think we’d be a match. Good luck with your adventures
Hairclub: Is it because I have three cats?
I got a message from 50ShadesofGray. Now, you’ve GOT to be kidding me. Oh please, let me continue before you roll your eyes. No, his avatar was NOT Christian Gray. He was 50+ years old with a paunch. Here you go ladies who love the 50 Shades thing. Enjoy! The best part – his message to me.
50: I want to own you.
Me: Not a good opening line. I don’t think we’d be a good match. Take care
50: Wait, why? You probably get told how pretty you are all the time. I thought you’d like me.
Me: Don’t make me block you.
Will I find Mr. Right online? Who knows. At least I’m finding some humor. For now, at least there’s that!