Gypsies, tramps and thieves

28 Oct

What’s better than getting lost on your way to Richmond? How about, getting lost IN Richmond…

That’s how my Mom and I found ourselves Tuesday on the way to my follow-up appointment with my “very attractive plastic surgeon.” Mom met Dr. Shih and almost blurted this out loud she tells me later.

Now we would have been on time, except I’m directionally challenged and Mom’s car has no freaking GPS. I depend on GPS (or gypsy as I think of her) to tell me where I’m going. In Mom’s car, there is no gypsy, there is only the window you roll down to ask the nice people on the street how to get to your destination.

Which is what we did.

I have Mom pull off the wrong highway (yeah, wrong HIGHWAY) and we find ourselves somewhere between El Cerrito and Richmond. So Mom patiently waits while I look to and fro and up and down trying to figure out how to get back on track… After a while, she flips a bitch on Potrero Avenue and screeches to a halt in front of a couple local and shall we say colorful ladies for directions. At first, I’m thinking “omg don’t stop the car….!!!!” but what’s the worst that could happen? They might be strolling, but I doubt they’re packing.

Leaning into my window to give Mom directions, I’m now thinking “omg move the car – move the car…!!!” but what’s the worst that could happen? They grab a piece of gum out of the cup holder? Our purses are not within reach… Besides, they actually seemed like real nice ladies. I offered them some gum as they stood up to leave.

She tells us “turn left at the stop sign. Then right at the dead end and at the second intersection just sorta veer right…”

As we approach the dead end – it dawns on me why they call it a dead end. In a very urban neighborhood. Ummm – there are bars on those people’s windows and guys with their pants on the ground hangin on that corner. Mom activates the door locks just to be safe. Checks her gas level.

Feeling a bit nervous, her driving skills begin to suffer just a wee little bit. Cars honk angrily in  response. Mom utters “Pffft.” Or however your Mom makes that sound. You know the one when they know what they’re doing. Usually accompanied by a proud as all hell middle finger salute.

I decided, since I still had the tape on my nose, to go ahead and sit tall and  just let her do her thing. After all, she got us from point lost to point found – and without a gypsy foretelling us the path.

Yes, it was stupid of me to not have directions in hand and to put my own dear old Mother in harms way – but it’s also the smartest thing I’ve done in a while. Just when you start to think your Mom is getting a little you know, cuckoo and forgetful, she pulls a fast one on you and saves the day. Or at least saves the dr. appointment.

2 Responses to “Gypsies, tramps and thieves”

  1. Lisa's Mom October 29, 2010 at 2:29 pm #

    Hey, I’ve been telling you for years, “Always listen to your Mom ’cause she’s always right.”

  2. Lisa Gardelle October 29, 2010 at 6:12 pm #

    Yes indeed – hope you enjoyed some of the minor embellishments in this story!!

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