My Shitty Shoes

13 Nov


I definitely play favorites with my shoes. They have specific personalities and when I wear them, they evoke specific emotions from me.

Yep – my 5″ gladiator black stilettos make me feel fierce whereas my 2″ tan clogs make me feel – well, a bit sad. I mean, given the choice, wouldn’t you rather wear strappy and sexy?

So it’s with much dismay that I find myself suddenly disgusted today.

First – how dare you walk your dog in public and let Peanut take a dump on the edge of the sidewalk. What a dick. Your dog might take “wittle poo poos”  (cuz I’m sure that’s how you say that), but shit is shit. And your dog shat and you didn’t pick it up.

Peanut’s poo might be pebbles, but when stepped on, this is the only time when I can legitimately say that size doesn’t matter.

And I was wearing my 4″ black knee high boots – the ones I’ve only worn once. The ones that make me feel daring and tall. And I needed daring and tall today.

I’m in public pawing a small patch of grass trying to get the poo off. People are looking at me. I’m about to hurl cuz I don’t know what you fed Peanut, but it smelled like that dog ate belly button lint. Just gross. Thanks.

I give in and stand in line at the Starbucks to get a bottle of water and some napkins. Then I thought “aha” – and sneak into the bathroom. Now I’m sure these public bathrooms are all spotless and sanitary, but I’m not about to take my boot off and stand in my tights on that floor. Hail no. Nor am I going to pop a squat on the toilet seat to clean em up.

So I settle for wetting down a bunch of paper towels and reverting to plan A. Pawing my dirty boot on the floor. By now, I’m pissed. This job is going to require some extensive surgery to remove the poo from the grooves. I’m forced to come home.

Thanks to my handiwork with toothpicks, the boot is poo free, but now I don’t want to wear them anymore. They are now evoking disgust from me. It wasn’t their fault, but at least for today, the memory of being smeared with poo goo is just too fresh.

And now that I’m back home, I guess my fuzzy black slippers will just have to do.


4 Responses to “My Shitty Shoes”

  1. A Vapid Blonde November 13, 2010 at 5:28 pm #

    That is a sad, sad tale of shit and shoes. Currently I have two pairs of shoes in a utility sink in the basement soaking because I not only stepped in shit but apparently I did a little dance too judging by the way its all in the treads.

    And this was in my own back yard that we thougt we had cleaned up pretty darn good.

    I feel your pain.

    • Boldly Mocking November 13, 2010 at 5:33 pm #

      I hear that – I have an outside potty pail for just such a purpose. Three pairs of “outside dogs” call this their permanent home, only to be walked in around my yard… 🙂

  2. Lisa's Mom November 16, 2010 at 12:52 pm #

    Well, honey, just be glad you weren’t barefoot!


  1. Glam rockers don’t die « Boldly Mocking - November 27, 2010

    […] my booted foot (I decided to let my 4.5″ stiletto boots off restriction after the whole shitty shoes […]

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