Fawk You Friday

3 Dec

It’s Friday. Thank gawd. You know what this means? It’s TIIIIIMMMME. To vent. To give the high hard one to the jerks who gave me the extra frown line, gray hair, and hangover.

My head is full of lots of fun facts from the week.  And by fun I mean, fun for the giver, not the receiver. And by fun, that’d be me mocking the term fun. Cuz it wasn’t. Fun that is.

So to all y’all who gave me some good material, and at the same time annoyed the crap out of me…

  • To the dirty old man who chose to sit next to me on the plane… FAWK you for actually leaning halfway into my seat and asking way too many questions 3″ from my face… While I thoroughly enjoyed your Old Spice tinged with Scotch, the stank from your cigar breath was a bonus. Reminded me of the spittoon you probably used back in 1889. And no, I was lying when you asked “I keep trying to use that darned internet thing but I can’t figure it out. Why is it so hard?”
  • To the cranky barista at Yuppiebucks who gave me the confused looked when I ordered a sugar-free, non-fat Hazelnut Latte and make it SUPER-SIZED…. FAWK you for the grease pen which a) got all over my cute lavender mittens and b) FAWK you for rolling your eyes and telling me that “it’s actually called Venti”. This is America, we super-size. This isn’t Italy, and your coffee isn’t Italian. If it was, I’d order an espresso that actually tasted good. Your StarSucks.
  • To the medical tech who weighed me and double checked it. WTF was that for. FAWK you for giving me a reason to freak out. It was really hard to lose that “road warrior” weight. But I did and I’ll not have you freaking the FAWK out of me. I really did lose that much idiot.
  • To the angry Polish woman at DMV… FAWK you for your anger and your scary fist. Here’s the deal… Your daughter who is in high school must come to DMV and get her fingerprint. That’s the DMV Law (or rule? whatever.) You cannot insist just because the very nice DMV lady has access to the computer that holds the printout of said daughter’s “stuff” – that you can bully her with your slammed fist on the counter – and she will submit. Unt unh. This is America. And FAWK you that you refuse to have your daughter take time out of her ‘so precious and important school day’ (or after school curriculum) to attend to the tedious responsibilities of LIFE. But I mostly appreciate that you were so concerned about her school time, yet so ignorant of my ‘productive in society because I actually work’ time by taking 20 minutes of it to pound your fist and bully said nice DMV lady. Who by the way, had to leave her station (which I was in line for) in order to file her public employee complaint against the public, thus making me late for a very important business meeting. I could go on, but, then I’d be taking more of my reader’s very valuable time…. If you don’t like it – change it or go home.

But finally – the last FYF goes to…..

  • ME… Because I got the once in a lifetime opportunity to be that bitchin chick and bend the CEO’s ear on the airplane home but I chose to be that gutless chick. It was an empty flight… I could have sat next to him… And to make it worse, given my amazing web launch last week, this could have set my career onto an amazing path. FAWK you me – you had your chance and blew it.

So cheers to a new week – and jeers to the new situations that make me want to say FAWK You.

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2 Responses to “Fawk You Friday”

  1. Fabulously Awkward December 4, 2010 at 7:49 am #

    Ugh. I am so with you, I have a list of gripes that come with Friday too. I appreciate these FYF posts more than you know.

    My “Fawk You” is to the congestion that is COURSING through my bf’s body right now RIGHT BEFORE we are leaving on vacation. I feel so badly for him, but I am also hella annoyed. GET BETTER, DUDE.

    Good thing we have the weekend to drink away these issues, yes?

    • Boldly Mocking December 4, 2010 at 7:57 am #

      Thanks Ms Fabulous – and I’m sorry to hear the BF is hocking up his lungs. On the other hand, if you are going on vacation in Mexico, might I suggest some really fabulous drugs? Pharmacists in Mejico have some pretty good shit w/o a Rx. Also, if you drink enough Martinis, you won’t care as much… 😉

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