That’s crap

12 Dec

For the last two and a half years, I’ve worked in the main corporate office building. In a high rise two floors away from the big boss (yep, the one who I failed to sit by on the plane last week.) The building is an icon in Oakland and filled with lots of VPs, lawyers, marketers and strategy hoo haw types.

So it was with much dismay that my department found themselves when we were summarily dismissed from the building. Denigrated to work out of the technology campus. Thirty miles away in a suburb. In a sign of solidarity with my peeps at work, I too railed against the MAN for demoralizing me. Sure, why not. I also flicked my teeth in a violent Italian gesture at being deported to the ‘burbs.

Secretly though, I was relieved. While I hated the hoo haws for their stuffy suited culture that scoffs at my brilliance, I hated working in the biggity biggity O. Freaking crazy shit happens there. Two words: MESERLE TRIAL. We were evacuated more often than a celebrity cleanse.

But I wasn’t quite expecting that the move to the new campus in the ‘burbs would be so shitty. And by shitty I mean full of crap. And by crap I really do mean shit. Clogging the toilets, overflowing them and giving me the willies.

This is now the second time I’ve had the misfortune of opening the door to stall #1 with horror. Apparently I work with some ladies who have serious gastrointestinal issues. Issues they bring with them to work. And I’m not convinced that someone didn’t just decide to toss their Rogan Josh into the toilet rather than suffer through it.

You decide - Rogan Josh before or after?

What I don’t understand is why my fellow lady office mates would pollute the sanctity of our communal poddy. We are quite a picky gender when it comes to bathroom behavior. We use our foot to open the stall door. We wouldn’t consider resting our precious backsides on the seat without first lining it with not one but two toilet doilies. We use the hottest water and antibacterial soaps to wash our hands. Followed by hand sanitizers and towels doubling as hot mitts to let us out of the bathroom.

So why why why would someone foul the bathroom and NOT FLUSH? Are they simply proud of their accomplishments and eager to share? Is there some spiritual belief that poo is magical and should be revered and gifted to the next follower? It just boggles the mind. Changes everything I thought about women’s bathroom behavior.

And makes me long for the corporate poddy in the biggity biggity O. At least there I never once encountered anything more offensive than the lingering smell of a mild egg…

Be warned technology campus women. If I find out who is leaving little presents in the toilet, I will not hesitate to remind you that we have a “no gifts” policy at work.

4 Responses to “That’s crap”

  1. Deanna December 12, 2010 at 4:15 pm #

    It doesn’t surprise me at all. I’ve always said that some women are disgusting! Ive found the nastiest things in the ladies bathroom! I’ve found dirty maxi pads on the walls, blood left all over the toilet seat, unflushed crap… I just don’t get it. I’m a tom boyish type of girl and I find it disgusting!!

    • Boldly Mocking December 13, 2010 at 8:07 am #

      Thanks Deanna – that’s just wrong. Sounds like we need to need the po-po to give citations for assault with a deadly poo-poo.

  2. Nicki December 14, 2010 at 3:36 am #

    I hate communal bathrooms. In a perfect world, I would be able to work from home and enjoy the sanctity of my bathroom. Even though I share it with my man, he is a perfect gentleman. The seat is always down, the floor is always wiped. Ahhhh…

    • Boldly Mocking December 15, 2010 at 8:21 pm #

      Your man learned well Nicki – good job! Give me tips for how to get my man to wipe the goddam floor!

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