To goatee or not to goatee

8 Jan

At the risk of blatantly offending my male friends who still sport the facial short hairs (you know, beards, mustaches, goatees…) I feel compelled to ask:  Why?

Frankly, when I see you boys wearing the mouth-encircled-hair, all I can think of is a big ole hairy bung hole. I mean, I imagine that’s what a hairy bung hole would look like.

And yes, even the hubby had one like a decade ago, but it was always impeccably groomed. And I’m referring to the goatee here (just in case anyone was confused.) But there were times when I’d see a crumble or two – and I’d point it out – and he would proudly smile and proclaim his flavor savor was doing him a favor for later. Or something like that.

I myself like a man without facial hair – except neatly trimmed eyebrows that is. And no nose hair. And for the love of gawd, trim your ear hair. And while you’re at it, you know that back hair? Get rid of it already.

And I do realize you boys are wearing the fuzz as fashion statements, much like some of you still wear your cell phone strapped to the waistband of your jeans, but I promise you, just cuz you can grow it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t mow it.

So I’ve compiled a list of looks to avoid-

Avoid: The landing strip (which btw was intended for playboy centerfolds if you catch my drift)

Avoid: The chin strap (this look died along with Honest Abe)

Avoid: Scraggly pirate look (unless of course, you are a dirty sailor living full-time on a pirate ship never coming into contact with other humans)

I still don’t think I got my answer to WHY some guys like these looks, so I’m chalking it up to one of life’s greater mysteries. Akin to who shot JFK, the chicken vs the egg debate, and why mayonnaise was ever invented.

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15 Responses to “To goatee or not to goatee”

  1. The Blitzed Blogger January 8, 2011 at 9:34 am #

    Girlfriend, the only hair my poor husband owns is the hair around his mouth. He started going bald back in high school. Yeah, it’s a little cheesy and yeah, sometimes it does actually GET cheesy when pizza or nachos are involved, but I figure the guy’s gotta have SOME hair above his shoulders. I mean, besides his eyebrows. 😉

    • Boldly Mocking January 8, 2011 at 9:38 am #

      So basically, he has a recedeing hairline. It receded all the way to his chin…;)

      • The Blitzed Blogger January 8, 2011 at 10:01 am #

        fo shizzle.

        Did I just say that? Sorry.

        I’ll tell you what, back in the day (six short years ago) when he was still hitting the gym every day, he had that total bouncer vibe. Now he kind of looks like his dad. With facial hair. Sigh.

      • Boldly Mocking January 8, 2011 at 11:08 am #

        Giggle – if you didn’t have daddy issues before, you might now!

  2. monarchbull January 8, 2011 at 10:02 am #

    That last one with Brad is called a San Fransisco target lol.

  3. Nicki January 8, 2011 at 3:06 pm #

    Love this. And hey! My man has a goatee, but he keeps it nicely trimmed. And he’s hawt!

  4. Deanna January 8, 2011 at 7:33 pm #

    I think, like most things, it’s all a matter of taste! Not everyone likes or dislikes the same thing. I happen to not like clean shaven faces and I’ve loved my husband’s goatee since the day I met him!

  5. randomesq January 8, 2011 at 10:18 pm #

    Okay… I’m going to say this…

    Dude, it seems like every chubby dude I know has a goatee.

    Totally don’t get it.

    -R.

    • Boldly Mocking January 9, 2011 at 8:12 am #

      Seriously, yes! Except for those bohemian types who think they are channeling their inner beatnik.

  6. Boobies January 21, 2011 at 9:04 pm #

    Lmao! Agreed. And the thought of mayo makes me cringe!

    • Boldly Mocking January 21, 2011 at 9:34 pm #

      Boobies – yes, especially when left out for hours in the sun…. Curdle, gurgle, and barf.

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