E.D. It’s not just for breakfast anymore…

31 Mar

The other night, I got together with two of my crazy bitch co-workers. Damn, I love these women. WorkItGirl and HotBabyMama.

WorkItGirl asked me last week to help her “shop” for a new man in her life. What the hell did I get myself into?

So we meet up, and I ask “what are we shopping for anyway” and WorkItGirl tells me they are going to Yosemite. Immediately, I conjure imagines of hiking and whatnot. I decide the best advice I can give her is to wear some cute hiking knee socks, some cheeky panties and a hot ass bra. Yeah baby! Cuz that’s how I’d rock the hiking look. Oh yeah, and pigtails. Cuz I’m naughty (shocking yes?)

They don't REALLY have to be hiking socks. So not the point.

I ask WorkItGirl how she met him in the first place and she tells me it was through eHarmony. I’m like “wha?” and she’s like “I kno” and then she tells me and HotBabyMama the story of this guy she met once for coffee.  Who was a complete WTF and a funny story. (And not the guy she’s going to Yosemite with.)

So anyhoohaw, she meets this guy for coffee and he proceeds to tell her about his erectile dysfunction. Over coffee. Did I mention it was 10am? Do we not have propriety here? WTF?

She is goaded by her BFF for life to give him another chance. First off, there is nothing wrong with admitting you have ED. I’m lying. And mocking. If you have ED, shut the fuck up. Lie bitch. Especially on the first date. At breakfast no less.

But she decides, okay, maybe I freaked out and should give him another chance. Maybe it was misunderstood?

She meets Mr. ED for dinner.

All is well until dessert. Where he decides to spill the T.R.U.T.H. – over creme brulee no less. Apparently Mr. ED is undergoing a surgerical penile implant to help him with this little problem. He’s really selling himself to WorkItGirl with this expenditure.

Me and HotBabyMama devolve into mindless giggles. Just in time for the waitress to arrive. Whereby I spill the sad truth that we’re talking about penile implants and yes, please, may I have another martini? Three olives, shake it up I like it dirty…

I’m so glad I’m not single. And so glad I have friends who have such colorful lives and stories that allow me to feel their pain, mirth, and currently – joy.

P.S. WorkItGirl found some rockin knee high hiking socks. Schwing!

5 Responses to “E.D. It’s not just for breakfast anymore…”

  1. Nicki March 31, 2011 at 5:56 pm #

    I love your stories! Wish I could be there…

  2. The Barreness April 1, 2011 at 4:16 am #

    Sounds like a convo I had recently with some girlfriends at a very trendy bar in the city.

    By girlfriends, I mean a guy who I took pty on and decided to have a drink with.

    By trendy bar I mean the pub near his place in a VERY dodgy area of london.

    Needless to say I’ve not seen him again.

    Thoug I am DESPERATELY curious to find out how his surgery worked out.

    Robot porn is very hot right now.


    – B x

  3. mommasunshine April 7, 2011 at 1:15 pm #

    Dude. WTF? I think all ED conversation should be saved for AT LEAST the 3rd date….

    • Pebbles April 7, 2011 at 1:23 pm #

      Personally, get the implant and keep your mouth the fuck shut. This is why the dude is still single. He has no i-n-t-e-r-n-a-l filter. 😉

      • mommasunshine April 7, 2011 at 1:29 pm #

        Back in the day when I was online dating, I got an email from a cute guy. In the SECOND EMAIL he sent, he outlined his very specific tastes in porn. At first I was all, “Dude…really?” Then I realized that this was a deal breaker for him and it’s not the kind of thing you want to find out after 6 months together, ya know?

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