I really am a bad girl

24 Apr

For those of you who know me in real life, you will SOOOOOO not be surprised by this story. And for those new friends, you will probably not be shocked by AAANNNYYY of this story.

See, when I was younger, I was a hellcat. Woopsies.

This is the story about when I got my brother arrested (yes, J A I L) when we were in high school.

It goes down like this:  Friday was a teacher “work day”. So Thursday night was par-tay time. Except, I was  on restriction at home for causing trouble and whatnot.

Anyhoohaw, our gang decides “let’s go to the movies tonight!!” and I’m pondering how the hell do I do that when I can’t… When it dawns on me that I am not on restriction from babysitting…

*thinking thinking…*

Here’s reason #3,243 that I never wanted a child. She’d have my smarts. And my stupids.

So… I formulate my master plan:

  1. Scan the phone book for the name Smith
  2. Write down said name “Mrs. Smith” and her phone number on a piece of paper for the folks.
  3. Steal 3″ high heels from mom’s closet (she was a shoewhore)
  4. Put on Bonne Bell Bubble Gum lip smackers lip gloss

As I grabbed my handbag and started to leave, I hear my older brother behind me.

BRO: “Oh hey, I can drive you.”

Wha? He was being nice to me. A teenager.

Me: “OK. Bitchin.”

I had him drive me about 10 houses down from my friend Juli’s house.

Me: “Oh hey, yeah, here it is. OK. Thanks. Bye.”

BRO: “Later.”

He waits at the curb of some random house I picked. Holy fartin what the heck?  P.U.L.L.   A.W.A.Y.  I scream inside. I knock on the door, and a nice man in a wheelchair opens it.

Me: “Hi (I might have flicked my hair), can I like borrow your phone?”

WCM: “Sure.” (No weirdness, either btw. A genuine non-freak.)

I wave over my shoulder at my brother and enter wheelchair man’s house. Dial Juli and giggle “I’ll be there in five minutes!”

Our gang proceeds to have a great time at the movies and we’re all giggling and smoking cigarettes and whatnot. But… I don’t go home on time. Woopsies.

Dad gets concerned when I’m not home at the noted time and decides to call Mrs. Smith.

RUT ROH.

Becoming suspicious (I got mad smarts from Dad, mad antics from Mom) he has my bro go get me. You know, to make sure I’m ok.

Bro arrives at the wheelchair man’s house. Knocks on the door.

WCM: “Can I help you?”

BRO: “I dropped my sister off here earlier to babysit. Ummm is she still in there?”

WCM: “I have no idea what you are talking about.”

OK abbreviated version – Bro thinks there is something nefarious going on and poor wheelchair man has no idea the trouble I have caused by letting me use his phone. Poor thing.

Bro is tall and muscular (and blonde – big Swedish guy) and after several ping pong tosses of “No, She’s Not” and “Yes, She Is”, he pushes past the door and WCM is ‘accidentally’ pushed out of his wheelchair.

WCM starts panicking and threatens to call the police if BRO doesn’t leave immediately. BRO responds something like “Oh yeah, how about I call them for you.”

Sirens a-blazing, here come the po po.

Meanwhile, back at the ranch, I come waltzing in the door. When bro isn’t behind me, Dad asks where he is. “I dunno”, I reply *confused*. He squints at me. Cuz he knows me.

Dad jumps out of his barcalounger and says “Take me to where you were babysitting.”

Rut roh.

I take him to WCM’s house and we arrive just as bro is being cuffed and stuffed into the back of the po po car.

OK, so I really am a bad girl.

All charges were dropped of course. He still talks to me. We even STILL laugh over all of this. Cuz after all, he is my bro and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. He’s a trouble maker too. Probably why we STILL laugh over this.

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6 Responses to “I really am a bad girl”

  1. Wicked Shawn April 25, 2011 at 6:01 am #

    It is SUCH a good thing we did not grow up in the same neighborhood. Havoc….we would have wreaked havoc.

    • Pebbles April 29, 2011 at 11:30 am #

      It’s never too late shawn – we could absolutely wreak havoc NOW. Right on, let’s roll… 🙂

  2. Blogdramedy April 29, 2011 at 8:04 am #

    You’ve been MIA from your blog for a while…I thought you were in JAIL!
    Nice to have you back. Stay around for a while, ok? I really like your shit…ah, style. I meant style.

    • Pebbles April 29, 2011 at 11:29 am #

      Thank ya darlin girl! I post also at JustBiscuit – doing a series on tattoos there. And my adventures have been tame lately so I’m forced to recycle my youthful antics. Ah, thems the good ole days… 😉

  3. Nicki May 9, 2011 at 4:25 am #

    And now we know where the shoe whore part comes from, too. 😉 Wishin’ I could claim some great traits from the family. And I take back everything I said about hanging out with you. I get in enough trouble on my own. With your help, I’d be a made for TV movie.

  4. madtante May 25, 2011 at 11:17 am #

    “Um, is she still in here?”

    Saw shoutabyss tweeting to you. You’re on my list, young lady.

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