Tag Archives: Cocktails

I like it a little hot and dirty in the morning

30 Apr

There is almost nothing better to get your morning off to a damn tootin great start than some hot, spicy, and dare I say dirty deliciousness.  I am of course referring to my usual weekend routine here at the cabin. And just because I’m here alone this weekend, doesn’t change my lust for this ritual.

Oh hey, now, re-reading this intro sounds…. oh c’mon… you’ve been reading my blog, my facebook posts, and my tweets haven’t you? You should know by now what a sassy pants I am, but in fact, I am referring to my love affair with vodka in this post.

Well hello Mary, you are super hot today...

Specifically, my DIRTY MARY. You know, the nectar the hubby and I continually drink the the Maynards every weekend. And I mean E.V.E.R.Y. I have a picture of these bad girls framed on my wall at the cabin (no lie) and I am soooooper proud to say, that as of yesterday, TheMartiniDiva decided to post my luscious dirty mary drink on her website. In a printable 3×5 recipe card. This will now be my second recipe the Diva has allowed to grace her website.

We converted the traditional “on the rocks” mary to a martini and since it’s such a hot muthufuckin drink we are calling it… what else… Hot Mama Martini.

So if you are anything like me, or want to be, or simply want some spice in the morning to fire up your loins, make yourself a batch of these tasty ladies. Caution: drinking these may make you do things like suddenly shout “aye caramba” and quite possibly giggle over likely unfunny comments. To me, that’s a win-win.

Oh me? Yeah, I’m fixin to make a batch at approximately 11:00a PDT. I’ll be imbibing while sitting in my hot tub listening to The Blend on XM. I’m predictable that way. 😉

Mwah babies. Have a splendiferous (this is like my new favorite faux word) day filled with antics, mayhem, and laughter.

Nice chew toy…

12 Feb

I had martini’s the other night with my friend Inga.

She told me a story about what happened the other night to a friend of hers.  It’s a cautionary tale in many ways.

Like most single gals, Betty is kinda like Wonder Woman: she works, pays her mortgage, cooks, cleans, kicks ass and loves jewelry. She has good friends and her parents are even nearby.

So in Wonder Woman’s very busy world, she sometimes has to squeeze in some special “personal” time. If you catch my drift… And that time was around 7:30p the other night.

It was also about that time when Wonder Woman’s parents decided to make an unannounced visit. The quick knock knock on the front door followed by the parents letting themselves in yelling out “Betty, where are you?” had Betty flying off the bed faster than Wonder Woman fighting off bullets with those awesome bracelets.

With a zip, tuck and tug, she flew downstairs. Patted her hair. Chatted with the folks who said they just popped over on their way to dinner, would she like to join? She didn’t have a chance to answer this…

Oh, did I mention Wonder Woman has a dog? A big black lab. Calls her Sunshine. She’s an inquisitive and loving doggie. Loves to play. Ummm hmmm.

While Wonder Woman was distracted by her parents, little miss Sunshine decided it was time for a game of fetch. And she knew just the perfect stick to retrieve.

Running into Wonder Woman’s bedroom, Sunshine spots her target, gleefully grabs it, and makes a mad dash downstairs to get the humans to toss it for her. “Look at me! Look at me!” she cries to them. So they did.

“What the ach?”

Sunshine is sporting a 6″ black sex toy gripped between her doggie lips, drool kinda dangling off one side. Wonder Woman, since she really doesn’t telepath with her dog, instead yelled “Sunshine!”

And Sunshine promptly sat down, dropped her new big black dong chew toy between them all, and wagged her tail furiously. And barked.

At first stunned by the fact that there was big black dong chew toy resting at their feet, nobody moved. Then Mom starts to bend down to retrieve it when Wonder Woman quickly grabbed it and tossed it out the back door. Prayed to the Amazon Gods that her folks didn’t actually see what it was.

I say look at the bright side. It could have been worse. At least it wasn’t vibrating.

Drinks with a dildo-model

21 Jan

And by model, I’m referring to the guy whose big willy was the model for the #2 best-selling dildo in Canada. On Sex In The City (the series) that is.

But in real life, I had drinks with this guy. The actor who played the dick model.

I probably could get a graphic from toywithme.com who is absolutely hilarious – but I is afraid!!! So this post will be cartoon and graphic free of that image!

Anyhoohaw, you could say he tried to pick me up. There was overt eye winks and body postures. It reminded me of girl’s night out last summer… Fond memories, but nonetheless, at a certain age one shouldn’t…dot dot dot…

But we did… so, over dirty martini’s I got to hear all about his new project, blah blah blah – bitch bitch bitch – yawn, yawn, yawn… and there were jokes a-plenty about his perfect “girth” (which I suspect is merely a reference from the show.)

Mostly, I was sorta – hmmm, bored.

On the one hand, he wasn’t particularly funny. Nor was he tall – he barely reached my chin. Which for some gals, might be the perfect height HINT HINT, but well, it made me feel older. Which is wrong, I think… I’m not older than him, I think…

On the other hand, he didn’t fondle his iPhone/Droid/Blackberry so that was a plus.

I secretly think anyone who covets and diddles thy PDA more than they covet and diddle thy lovah is just useless. Cuz guys, if we gals want you, pay attention. Our PDAs have a vibrate mode, hear what I’m saying?? And guys, your iPhone might have an app for this and that, but I promise you, it doesn’t have an app for THAT.

So, while I got to have drinks with this actor who played a dildo-model, I was mildly amused but I wasn’t overly impressed.

Reminds me of this other time I met an incredible hulk… I’ll be your green with envy on that one too! Let me know if you wanna know who that was! Me likey!

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