Tag Archives: Goatee

To goatee or not to goatee

8 Jan

At the risk of blatantly offending my male friends who still sport the facial short hairs (you know, beards, mustaches, goatees…) I feel compelled to ask: ¬†Why?

Frankly, when I see you boys wearing the mouth-encircled-hair, all I can think of is a big ole hairy bung hole. I mean, I imagine that’s what a hairy bung hole would look like.

And yes, even the hubby had one like a decade ago, but it was always impeccably groomed. And I’m referring to the goatee here (just in case anyone was confused.) But there were times when I’d see a crumble or two – and I’d point it out – and he would proudly smile and proclaim his flavor savor was doing him a favor for later. Or something like that.

I myself like a man without facial hair – except neatly trimmed eyebrows that is. And no nose hair. And for the love of gawd, trim your ear hair. And while you’re at it, you know that back hair? Get rid of it already.

And I do realize you boys are wearing the fuzz as fashion statements, much like some of you still wear your cell phone strapped to the waistband of your jeans, but I promise you, just cuz you can grow it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t mow it.

So I’ve compiled a list of looks to avoid-

Avoid: The landing strip (which btw was intended for playboy centerfolds if you catch my drift)

Avoid: The chin strap (this look died along with Honest Abe)

Avoid: Scraggly pirate look (unless of course, you are a dirty sailor living full-time on a pirate ship never coming into contact with other humans)

I still don’t think I got my answer to WHY some guys like these looks, so I’m chalking it up to one of life’s greater mysteries. Akin to who shot JFK, the chicken vs the egg debate, and why mayonnaise was ever invented.

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