Tag Archives: Red Room of Pain

50 Shades of what the…

8 Jun

Somewhere around chapter 11, I noticed a big difference. I think E.L. James recognized she is a shitty writer and decided to fire her editor. Either that, or she fired herself as a so-called-author and hired a ghost.

Either way, the writing slightly improved. SLIGHTLY. The story, while still very much aimed at introducing teens to kinky fuckery  – at least showed some continuity.

I can see why everyone is talking about these books. First, where the EFF is the erotica? Second, I get the whole “I want to explore my inner submissive”. And third, what boundaries can you test without losing your goddamn mind?

My inner goddess never cheered Anastasia on. I thought she would. I mean, I opened this book with an equally open mind. I have NO problem with exploring the more naughty and wicked sides of our pysche, but I just cannot and will not see an innocent girl EVER in a position of accepting the Red Room of Pain with an open mind. That is likely why this call this crap Mommy Porn.

I wanted to bitch slap her subconscious every time she referenced herself as being a ‘ho’. Hey, if a gazillionaire wants to buy you some fancy clothes, computers and a car, let him. Jeez Louise. She’s willing to take one for the team, but oh no, not a Macbook? Silly chit.

She knows he’s way the fuck fucked up yet still thinks he can love her vanilla style right out the gate? Is this really how the youth today process through complicated situations? Me, Me, Me, Me, MeMeMeMeMEMEMEMEMEME…. Put a pacifier in her mouth next time Christian, she’s such a whiney fucking idiot.

In case you don’t know what Vanilla style sex is…

Anyhoohaw. I am now on book two. It’s called “Darker”. So far, my favorite mocking moment is when… under threat at 2am by an ex-sub-gun-toting-suicidal-lunatic, Anastasia wants to discuss literal comments he makes in an effort to protect her.

You see, his ex-sub trashed the car he bought her. She wants to know how the ex even knew it was hers. He confesses he bought that same car for all his subs. She thought it was her graduation (from college you pervs) present.

He replies: “…despite what I hoped, you have never been my submissive…” And this people is now all she can think of. That he still secretly wants her in his playpen of feathers and canes and ropes and chains.

The big problem I’m finding with this story line, besides the lack of hot nasty sex, is this child-woman is at her first junior high dance and thinks she has a pimple but really her date just wants in her pants. But even I can tell, E.L. has decided that this lil innocent dove has saved the depraved Christian from his lonely past and only she can free his lost soul. Gag me now with a velvet sash.


Ain't no real kinky fuckery in this book...

So as I finish this book, I’m not surprised that they have only done some slightly benign yet mildly erotic things. And not surprised that she fell even more madly in love with our twisted hero, and when I start  book three titled “Freed”, I’m sure it will live up to the title. Hence, no serious bondage or true kinky fuckery.

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