I’m seriously addicted…

So I love shoes. I’m a girl. I also love eyeliner and shiny lip gloss. Call me crazy, but I like being a girl.

The disadvantage of course, with my love affair with shoes, is that I tend to buy too many of them.

After purchasing a new pair of Cole Haan wedges last night, the door to my bedroom slammed shut. Not from a ghost or my best friend in anger, but because I had a cross-breeze a blowing through the condo.

So I did what any sane, normal, well-adjusted girl would do.

I took my best friend’s make up bag and propped it against the door. Then I sneered at it every time I saw it. Which is a lot because my place is teeny tiny.

I sneered because I’m an “everything in its place in my place” kind of girl. I even have a basket next to the front door where all my flip flops live. I don’t like shit just lying around. Purses on the coat rack, pens/paper in the basket, coasters in their holder.

You might call it anal-retentive, but I choose to call it “personal tidiness”. T-Bomb calls it OCD. I will admit that I do count to 10 when I see something out of place before put it back.

So anyhoohaw, the door slams and scares the bejeesus out of me. Made me jump and almost made me spill my cocktail. And that’s no bueno.

I decided to go online to the Amazon gods to see what they have in the form of a door stopper.

This is what I found.

I seriously love shoes…

Like most of my shoes, I fell in love and bought it immediately.

My name is Lisa and I have an addiction.

Fawk You Friday

I’m going to start reserving my Friday posts to give a shout out to the idiots that fawked up my week.

I’d like to say FAWK YOU-

• To the CDAAG group who almost derailed my web launch this week: “Submitting the request without adding the approved documents beforehand is not a catastrophe, so fawk you for giving us shit for 3 hours.”

• To the woman with the disgusting feet who gave me a pedicure and the heebie jeebies: “Bitch, put on some socks. I don’t want to see your freaky fawking feet when you’re taking care of mine.”

• To the woman standing outside who looked right at me as I walked in for my appointment. “Really? You’re the fawking receptionist? You knew I was coming in and you took 10 more minutes smoking and gabbing? Fawk you for ignoring me and I hope you get fired.”

• To the guy at Whole Foods who mocked ME when I mispronounced a name: “Never ever ever correct a paying customer. You knew what the fawk I was talking about. Not only did I not want an enunciation lesson, I didn’t want it from a clerk at a grocery store.”

And finally,

• To the people who honk at me on my own street: “I live here, I will pull in and out of my own driveway. If you don’t like having to slow the fawk down for me stop driving so fawking fast. “

Have a great fawking weekend.

Showering in public

One of the best things about being on our friend’s big boat is well, being on their big boat. We arrived on Thursday at sunset, and it was beautiful – fog was rolling down the hill, you could see the bank of fog that had earlier engulfed the SF Bay, but in our little marina in Sausalito, it was just GOR-GEOUS.

It was a challenge to work from the boat on Friday but somehow between spotty wifi from the coffee house that blares bad french music, and my blackberry with the itty bitty screen, I got the job done.

We had dinner reservations at Sushi Ran so armed with my big bag of girlie goods, I left the big boat and headed to the marina showers.

I’ve used these showers before – we stay on our friend’s big boat every September – so I knew what to expect. First year I was not so wise. That year I went barefoot. Was damn lucky I didn’t contract some sort of scaly toe web fungus thingy.

Now that’s not to say the marina bathrooms are dirty – they are not. The poddy’s are very clean and well stocked. The counters are debris free and dry. But the shower stalls. Hmmm.

BUT – flip flops are a must. I imagine the lady who used the shower before me yesterday left bald. I was worried I’d have to use the toe of my flipper to nudge the hairball out of the drain – and equally worried if I didn’t I’d be standing ankle deep in a pool of soapy dreadlocks soon.

I decide this is not the time to luxuriate under the warm spray of water. Get the hell out asap. And that got me thinking about etiquette in public bathrooms.

We all know the courtesy flush is mandatory – and after you use the sink, you wipe the water off the counter – but what about the shower? What is the etiquette? I think common sense tells us to leave it in better condition than we found it, but I’m not game enough to go there here.

We were with HIM and HER and HE said anything goes – and he meant it. Given the risk of scaly moldy burning itchy feet, HE absolutely ascribes to peeing when HE gets in and again when HE gets out. Calls it organic, it’s the all-natural biocide. Thinks Whole Foods would buy it…

Needless to say, flip flops are a must people and it’s not just the hair in the drain you have to be worried about.  Thank god for anti-bacterial gel. Just saying.