I like it a little hot and dirty in the morning

There is almost nothing better to get your morning off to a damn tootin great start than some hot, spicy, and dare I say dirty deliciousness.  I am of course referring to my usual weekend routine here at the cabin. And just because I’m here alone this weekend, doesn’t change my lust for this ritual.

Oh hey, now, re-reading this intro sounds…. oh c’mon… you’ve been reading my blog, my facebook posts, and my tweets haven’t you? You should know by now what a sassy pants I am, but in fact, I am referring to my love affair with vodka in this post.

Well hello Mary, you are super hot today...

Specifically, my DIRTY MARY. You know, the nectar the hubby and I continually drink the the Maynards every weekend. And I mean E.V.E.R.Y. I have a picture of these bad girls framed on my wall at the cabin (no lie) and I am soooooper proud to say, that as of yesterday, TheMartiniDiva decided to post my luscious dirty mary drink on her website. In a printable 3×5 recipe card. This will now be my second recipe the Diva has allowed to grace her website.

We converted the traditional “on the rocks” mary to a martini and since it’s such a hot muthufuckin drink we are calling it… what else… Hot Mama Martini.

So if you are anything like me, or want to be, or simply want some spice in the morning to fire up your loins, make yourself a batch of these tasty ladies. Caution: drinking these may make you do things like suddenly shout “aye caramba” and quite possibly giggle over likely unfunny comments. To me, that’s a win-win.

Oh me? Yeah, I’m fixin to make a batch at approximately 11:00a PDT. I’ll be imbibing while sitting in my hot tub listening to The Blend on XM. I’m predictable that way. 😉

Mwah babies. Have a splendiferous (this is like my new favorite faux word) day filled with antics, mayhem, and laughter.

Vodka gets me in trouble…

Here’s the deal. I like my martini dirty (light on the dirty – maybe we call it a naughty martini). Either way, the root cause of all evil is wheat. I can prove it.

It all started when the Maynards invited us to join them for the Northern California Special Olympics celebrity ski event at Incline Village the other weekend. As soon as we arrive at the ski resort, we perch our asses pointing at the north shore and begin our ritual – you know, starting off the ski day by getting warm – ala some dirty mary’s.

Nice ass.

Properly revved up on napalm mary’s we ski’d for a bit then on to other fun activities – we head to the banquet. One word: Mayhem.

You see, Brad Kinney was manning the turntable and of course I had to go say hi. After all, we went to HS and are facebook friends and all. Such a small, small world. I clickity clacked my way over and said “Hi Brad!” and we chit chatted and maybe there was some flirt on my part. I mean, he’s BRAD!

Meanwhile, over at our table, dubbed Team Vodka (coincidence? I think not) we had one of K‘s colleagues, a very nice Russian man named Dmitriy. He’s been at these celebrity events before and knew everyone. I mean e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e.

He and I quickly hit it off, drinking shots of Russian Standard and talking in a thick Russian accent. My accent is a hot mess but Dmitiriy’s is real – which totally worked!! So after a few of these fire shots, me and my big girl shoes are dancing and whooping it up. I don’t need much of an excuse you know.

However, I have NO idea who I’m dancing with at this point. And it totally doesn’t matter. I think at one point I was bootie popping with Juliet Goodrich from CBS News. She saw one of my tattoos and became my new dance BFF.

Then, Dmitriy gets me in a gang-dance. I don’t know what else to call it. There were three of them and one of me. And outta nowhere, I find myself hoisted up on top of a dinner table to dance with Ryan Merriman (Pretty Little Liars) and Thyme Davis (Days of our Lives). No shit. Earlier that day, after skiing, we met up with them in the bar. Ryan showed me a picture on his iPhone. It was him – shredding at the terrain park.

But up on the table – dancing with Ryan and Thyme – this was well, both surreal and to be expected I guess. I mean, for those that know me. THIS. IS. NOT. UNCOMMON. FOR. ME.

Thanks Brad! The hat is smashing!

As the party goes on, out come the cute pink cowboy hats with tiaras (thanks Brad for giving me one first!). We continue drinking vodka, and I realize I’m a gonna pay dearly for this later.

And I do. Can barely walk the next day and I have to check my texts and tweets for too much sass. And then apologize. A lot.

Like a half-off shoe sale at Nordstrom’s, I love my vodka but it gets me in all sorts of trouble.